Funniest Bible Verse Ever!

You need to watch this for your spiritual health. It will make you laugh, I promise. And "laughter is good, like medicine" (Proverbs 17:22).

Istanbul, not Constantinople

A friend of mine is in this ancient city today. So in her honor, enjoy this song. It's now an oldie (as am I, I guess), but it always makes me laugh. Enjoy!

They Might Be Giants - Istanbul (Not Constantinople) from They Might Be Giants on Vimeo.

And now for something completely different...

When I was 7 years old, my dad took me to see Raiders of the Lost Ark. I was completely captured by the experience, and for several years wanted to be Indiana Jones. Fortunately for me, my parents had a large wooded yard at the time, a lot of which was left untamed and without grass. They had really good cap guns in those days (if I could find ones like the ones I had, I'd trade you even up on a Smith and Wesson .22 semiauto), and Dad's barn was full of rope to make whips. A boy with an active imagination could easily spend all day exploring the "jungle" and raiding the lost city of Tanis.

So when a friend sent me the following video, while there is a part of me which thought, "I can't believe this guy makes his living doing this," there is also another, perhaps deeper, geekier, more boyish part which thinks, "If this pastor thing ever doesn't work out, I have found my new calling!" Anyway, enjoy a laugh or two with me:

Man Church

I have long been opposed to the idea that church is only for "sensitive guys" and that real men, warrior dudes with testosterone coursing through their veins need not apply. Here's the best comic take on that concept I've ever seen, courtesy of Brad Stine:

What to do if the Groundhog predicts a long winter...

Apparently, there are a lot of recipes for Groundhog. I've never eaten one, but apparently it tastes somewhere between squirrel and rabbit.

According to Outdoor-Michigan.com, to prepare one for the pot:

1. Skin and dress in the usual way for small, furry game animals.
   
2. Remove the scent glands under the arms and in the small of the back. Also remove all external fat.
   
3. If the groundhog is old (check for worn teeth), it should be parboiled or soaked in cold salted water overnight. To parboil, add 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda.
4. Cook in any recipe appropriate for rabbit or similar game.

This reminds me of my favorite line from Bill Murray's Groundhog Day: "Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites, all of you!"

Tim Hawkins on The Sermon Series

I just wrapped up a sermon series on Marriage and I'm starting on this Sunday on Jonah. Still, while it's important to take God, His Word, and the Gospel seriously, we do well not to do the same thing with ourselves:

Thursday Morning Humor

One of the biggest problems that men and women have in their relationships with one another is communication. We are like Americans speaking with Brits, two people separated by a common language. While we may be using the same words, we most certainly do not mean the same things by them. I'm not sure if this is a real product or not (my money is on not), but if someone ever does invent this, they will make a fortune...I give you the Manslater:

Helping you prepare for the zombie invasion

Not quite sure how I got started down this road, but I have a buddy who enjoys books and movies about vampires, zombies, and the like. The whole good triumphing over evil thing, I guess. Anyway, if the zombie hordes should ever happen to show up at your door, this is just the thing!

It's a standard AR type semi-automatic, adjustable stock .223 Remington rifle with a 30 round detachable magazine. It also features an attached harpoon quiver for the rail mounted harpoon gun below decks and is equipped with a night-vision scope for precise aiming even in the dark. If this can't handle your zombie problems, well then, nothing can!

Monday Morning Humor

I don't quite know Miss Jane would think, but I think this is part of what's missing from Regency romance books. I mean, if this kind of thing were in there, a guy wouldn't feel like he has to turn in his man card to read it:


On another, even lighter note, there are also these attempts at making classic literature a little more, shall we say, mass market...

Bob Newhart, counselor

I've been doing a lot of counseling lately. Mostly, I really enjoy doing this, in that I get the privilege of helping people integrate the Scriptures into their lives. But this is just about the most hilarious video about counseling EVER. I wonder what would happen to my counselees if I started offering this advice?

Your Wednesday Chuckle

If you've ever wondered what the late Chris Farley would have looked like playing drums for a cover of ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed Man, then you simply have to check out Rick K and the Allnighters' rendition. The band isn't great, but the drummer is worth the price of admission:

A kiss is just a kiss...

This is simply "too good to check," as they say...

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Friday Afternoon humor

Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!" Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."

The Man Cake

I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day, who told me that he had really gotten into cake decorating. I told him that no matter what they show on Ace of Cakes, this seems to be as much of a man card violation as being a dude who takes up figure skating. He told me that no, I just hadn't seen his cakes. I'm still inclined to think I'm right, but I ask you, dear reader, what do you think? Can you be an authentic man and be into cake decorating?

Here's his example of a manly cake. Apparently, the big football, the logos, the benches, and the Gatorade buckets are all edible.

Don't forget to cast your vote...

Our new Supreme Court Justice

So President Obama has nominated Elena Kagan, former dean of the Harvard Law School and veteran of the Clinton Administration to fill the latest vacancy on the Supreme Court. Me? Well, Karen and I both think she should have stuck with the movies. She made a wonderful addition to the Pit of Despair in The Princess Bride...

REAL MAN trap shooting

My competitive trap shooting career was short-lived and not much to write home about. I think my highest score in two years of being on the Faith Bible Church Club team was a 19/25. I was not a AA shooter, to say the least. However, I do think that I have found a version of trap shooting at which I could excel. Be sure to watch the whole thing, and while you're watching, ask yourself, "What have they got that launches those cars?"

How 'bout a steaming helping of THIS!

The Obama administration is evidently considering lifting a 21-year-old ban on the importation of authentic haggis from Scotland. For the uninitiated, haggis consists of the minced heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep mixed with salt, pepper, oats, and suet and cooked inside the sheep's stomach (which is consumed, much like the casing on a sausage). This "culinary delight" was banned because of concerns about possible transmission of scrapie, a spongiform encephalopathy common in sheep and closely related to "mad cow disease." Apparently, those fears have proved unfounded, but for the life of me, I cannot imagine who in their right mind would eat such a thing (I mean, seriously, who first had this idea?), nor whose life would be made poorer by lack of access to authentic Scottish haggis.

If big government won't protect you from a haggis invasion, just what will it protect you from?

What this thing needs is a little more power!

I used to really enjoy watching Tim Allen's comedy and liked his show, Home Improvement. It was funny, clean, and well written. I also enjoyed the show's celebration of authentic masculinity. Tim the Tool Man might have been hapless at times, but he was a real man in the best sense-a TV dad who wasn't a complete bumbler, who seemed to be the leader in his home and to really love being a husband and father. On top of all that, there were the classic bits on manly items, like the Man Kitchen, the Man Sink Disposal, etc. Well, this morning a friend sent me the following item on what may well be the ultimate Man Snow Blower. Check this baby out!

If you're tired of anemic, one-lung snowblowers with their slipping drive belts, you might consider Kai Grundt's V8 snow blower which raises the bar on the traditional snow blower in every respect. With electric start, electric block heater, antifreeze heater and eight cylinders, it has no drive belts to freeze up and you'll never get bored with the job as the 454 cubic inch big block Chevrolet V8 produces 412 horsepower, 430 foot pounds of torque and can throw snow 50 feet(!) at just 3500 rpm.

Nor will you get cold as the machine has been ingeniously designed to route the engine coolant through the handle bars, with the rear mounted, enclosed radiator keeping the operator nice and comfy.

Maneuvering the massive beast (it has a total wet weight of 912 lbs) is a breeze thanks to the hydraulic-drive 4WD skid steer on independent walking beams which offers a zero turning radius. It's also as fast as you like, with an infinitely adjustable speed range on the drive wheels via dash mounted flow control. At the opposite end of the scale, it has more than enough torque to pull your car out of the ditch before the hydraulic motors stall!

Adding to the well-balanced feel of the unit, just 15 pounds of down force on the handlebars will lift the auger blade off the ground in order to climb stairs/walkways for ease of snow removal. Safety has and continues to be paramount with spring return to center "fail safe" type directional controls with emergency stop and tether cords.

Safety is one of the key theme, with a flashing blue light (as required by law in many areas) being the least of the safety features. No-one will fail to hear you with those twin throaty exhausts, which come standard with 92 decibels at the controls, though if the rumble of a V8 exhaust is music to your ears, you can obviously go much louder. Even at the standard baffling, hearing protection is strongly suggested.

Samson redux

I spent yesterday helping a friend replace the flooring in his dining room. They bought the house about a year ago, and the person they bought it from was fairly obsessive about making sure everything was over-constructed. At any rate, Mr. OCD put down a variety of that attached pad Berber style carpet that normally retails for about $1-$2 per square foot. Moreover, just to make sure that nothing happened to keep this treasured product from coming up, he glued it down with some variety of contact cement. Approximately 4 hours later, my buddy and I finally had the last scraps of the pad scraped off of the floor and some new foam underlayment put down for his new maple laminate floor. I went home from laying the laminate at 12:30 a.m. We had a lot of trimming to do-4 door openings, 3 floor outlets, a floor vent and part of a chimney to go around plus it has been a few years since I laid any laminate, so it took a while to get back the knack. The important thing is, we did finish the job.

The problem is that I am sore beyond belief today. I don't remember being so sore when I put in the laminate for our attic bedroom at our house in Iowa. My knees and the heels of my hands are very tender and I'm keeping ibuprofen in my system at regular intervals. Worse, when I posted about my condition on my Facebook status this morning, one of my oldest friends had the temerity to suggest that I was experiencing the vagaries of something she referred to as "middle age." I am not amused. Personally, I've decided that gray hair or not, I'm not middle-aged until I'm 50 at least, and maybe not even then.

If that doesn't work, then I've got a fall-back theory: As all of you know, I recently got my hair cut off, and based on my study of the Scriptures, I'm pretty sure that has something to do with it. After all, read this:

...she called a man to shave off the seven braids of his hair, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left him. - Judges 16:19b

See? Middle-aged? Meh. I just got a haircut, and haircuts produce weakness. Once my hair grows back out, I'll be back to knocking over pagan temples again. Or at least, that's the theory I'm going with.

Fun fact of the day

Apparently, Nestle is the manufacturer of both Hot Pockets and Alpo.