President Obama has done the virtually impossible: He has brought the political Right and with it the Republican Party back from the wilderness and into the fight in just 9 short months. For any politicians out there who'd like to know to replicate this remarkable achievement, just follow these 10 simple steps:
Step One: Shortly after Inauguration, embark on the worldwide apology tour. Temporize America's accomplishments and highlight her past sins of "imperialism, sexism, and racism," all while granting America's past faults equal moral footing with dictators who currently murder and imprison their opponents and oppress their people and cultures that stone women who are victims of rape.
Step Two: Cozy up to and negotiate with Vladimir Putin, Hugo Chavez and that nutball who rules Iran, What's-his-name, while selling out our friends in Israel, Honduras, Columbia, the Czech Republic, and Poland.
Step Three: Outsource health care reform to Reid, Pelosi, and Co. so that the resulting bill is a 1,000 page monstrosity which will raise taxes by $200 billion, increase the deficit by trillions, all while decreasing the quality and speed of care for everyone except the congressional mandarins who won't have to live under the system to which they are going to subject the rest of us.
Step Four: Heedlessly push for ever more expansive and expensive government, even though most Americans don't want it. See also, the health care debate, aka "more cowbell."
Step Five: Spend $787 billion on a "stimulus" bill which does nothing to stimulate the economy but a lot to pay off various supportive constituencies like organized labor.
Step Six: Take over GM and Chrysler, while continuing to support legislation that makes it impossible for them to compete (i.e., CAFE standards).
Step Seven: Do nothing to encourage job creation, like lowering taxes or increasing business capital investment credits. Instead talk a lot about the higher taxes that will be necessary to fund all the social engineering programs you want to fund. Let real unemployment hit 16%(!) while speaking constantly about how you're going to help us all by expading the national debt by $9 trillion over your (presumed) 8 years in office.
Step Eight: Get your surrogates to denounce anyone who opposes you or your policies as a racist.
Step Nine: Staff your office with various limousine radicals, tax-cheats, and corrupt Chicago cronies.
Step Ten: Talk a lot. When you start to think people don't support your policies, talk some more. Be on prime time all the time. Make more speeches and have more press conferences than Bill Clinton. And when it's clear your popularity and the popularity of your policies are dropping like a stone, then: Talk. Some. More. Give 'em more cowbell. That's what they really need!
See how easy it is? It's so simple even an audaciously hopeful upper class dude who went to private school his whole life and never accomplished anything much of significance can do it.