Thursday, October 8, 2009

Political resurrection

President Obama has done the virtually impossible: He has brought the political Right and with it the Republican Party back from the wilderness and into the fight in just 9 short months. For any politicians out there who'd like to know to replicate this remarkable achievement, just follow these 10 simple steps:

Step One: Shortly after Inauguration, embark on the worldwide apology tour. Temporize America's accomplishments and highlight her past sins of "imperialism, sexism, and racism," all while granting America's past faults equal moral footing with dictators who currently murder and imprison their opponents and oppress their people and cultures that stone women who are victims of rape.

Step Two: Cozy up to and negotiate with Vladimir Putin, Hugo Chavez and that nutball who rules Iran, What's-his-name, while selling out our friends in Israel, Honduras, Columbia, the Czech Republic, and Poland.

Step Three: Outsource health care reform to Reid, Pelosi, and Co. so that the resulting bill is a 1,000 page monstrosity which will raise taxes by $200 billion, increase the deficit by trillions, all while decreasing the quality and speed of care for everyone except the congressional mandarins who won't have to live under the system to which they are going to subject the rest of us.

Step Four: Heedlessly push for ever more expansive and expensive government, even though most Americans don't want it. See also, the health care debate, aka "more cowbell."

Step Five: Spend $787 billion on a "stimulus" bill which does nothing to stimulate the economy but a lot to pay off various supportive constituencies like organized labor.

Step Six: Take over GM and Chrysler, while continuing to support legislation that makes it impossible for them to compete (i.e., CAFE standards).

Step Seven: Do nothing to encourage job creation, like lowering taxes or increasing business capital investment credits. Instead talk a lot about the higher taxes that will be necessary to fund all the social engineering programs you want to fund. Let real unemployment hit 16%(!) while speaking constantly about how you're going to help us all by expading the national debt by $9 trillion over your (presumed) 8 years in office.

Step Eight: Get your surrogates to denounce anyone who opposes you or your policies as a racist.

Step Nine: Staff your office with various limousine radicals, tax-cheats, and corrupt Chicago cronies.

Step Ten: Talk a lot. When you start to think people don't support your policies, talk some more. Be on prime time all the time. Make more speeches and have more press conferences than Bill Clinton. And when it's clear your popularity and the popularity of your policies are dropping like a stone, then: Talk. Some. More. Give 'em more cowbell. That's what they really need!

See how easy it is? It's so simple even an audaciously hopeful upper class dude who went to private school his whole life and never accomplished anything much of significance can do it.

4 comments:

stephenwillcox said...

Wow. That is about all I can say. President Obama is going to have to rise from the dead if he wants to be re-elected into office with his approval rating.

The Bullhorn said...

A year is a long time in politics. Just ask George Bush. A lot could still turn around Obama's approval rating and get him re-elected. The economy could improve dramatically, unemployment drop steeply, the war in Afghanistan could end well, the Iraq War could finally come to an end with an imperfect government friendly to us still in power long-term. But virtually ALL of these things would have to happen soon for Obama to rebound. Either way, the Dems are going to take a shot in the shorts in the 2010 midterms. It's just a question of how hard the shot will be. But since Dems hold 49 House seats in districts won by either McCain or Bush, I'd bet worse for the Dems rather than better...

kristi_temple said...

It is a sad commentary on Americans that so many still vote based on their bank accounts. If there is an economic crisis and it somehow has an upswing, the people will re-elect. If the people are unhappy they will turn the house, the senate and the executive branch completely upside down. The president really has very little to do with the economy. The economy moves in cycles . . . just look at our history.

The Bullhorn said...

Kristi-I agree that it is a sad commentary. I also agree that the business cycle is real. But it seems to me that a president has enormous influence with Congress, particularly when the majority are members of his own party. He can also veto wasteful, useless bills and stop trying to pass bills of like kind. He can try to pass bills that will create a stable dollar and lower taxes so that businesses want to locate in the US and lenders want to buy our debt. He has a lot of power. It would be nice if he would use it for good rather than perpetuating harm.